Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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