So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
