i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We left the knife in your bed.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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