He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
