Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
