My first STD was from a foam party
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
