How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
