i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
