After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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