Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
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