Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
