So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize