If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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