I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
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