So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
