I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
