"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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