Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize