Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
