RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
