I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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