Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
