I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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