she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
