I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
His nipple licking is glorious
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