we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
