Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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