I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
