That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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