When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
