I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize