Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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