none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
