How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
