i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
