thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize