There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i now understand why vodka
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
