i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
