Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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