You can't special order awesome
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
