I think I just saw someone hide a body.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
