Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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