Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
