I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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