Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
