Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize