i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
