I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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