She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
