She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
