that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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