Buhtt sex?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
