this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she peed on how many people?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
