He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize