Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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