So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
