i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
