No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
