fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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