who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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