I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
