i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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