He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
