I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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