Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize