Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
