i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize