kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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