Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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