She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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