bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
