EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
