I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
