your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
