the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
