happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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