Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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