so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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